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Copyright Gerd de Ley & David Potter 1999 No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, nor translated into a machine language, without the written Definitions belonged to the definer - not the defined.
Everything has to be defined. Yet how can you define anything - the art of getting credit for all the home runs - a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the - the thing that makes people laugh.
- every opinion that differs from ours.
- a child conceived long after your husband’s vasectomy.
- someone who can put two and two together - (pl.) the witch-doctors of the modern world, willing to turn - a man hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you - somebody you nod to if he nods first.
- a guy who goes around with a chap on his shoulder.
- the ability to keep an audience from coughing.
- a question of absorbing other people’s personalities and - standing up naked and turning around very slowly.
- the shy person’s revenge on the world.
- a demonstration of rebellion against the mundanity of - experience with something sweet behind it.
, - not being emotional, but being able to express emotion.
- a way of living out one’s insanity.
- the expression of a neurotic impulse.
- an attempt to find universality, reality and truth in a world of - a high tree that catches a lot of wind, and then he bends.
- a hero that feeds himself with applause.
- a guy who if you ain’t talkin’ about him, ain’t listening.
- person with a regrettable number of psychological problems.
- a kind of unfrocked priest who, for an hour or two, can call on heaven and hell to mesmerize a group of innocents.
- a man who tries to be everything but himself.
- (pl.) a race apart, doomed to go through life pretending to be - one to whom the part is greater than the whole.
- someone with no ability who sits around waiting to go on - someone who cannot stand the excitement of chartered - God’s finger-exercise before he created Eve.
- a legal game in wich courts try to find where - nature’s way of preparing parents to welcome - that period in a child’s life when his parents - the period between puberty and adultery.
- the stage of growth that turns a perfectly - a time when people worry about things there’s no need to - a tiresome period of transition betwee childhood and adulthood, bearing the pain of both and the joy of neither.
- that period when a young man would never believe that - the age when a girl’s voice changes from no to yes.
- the age at which children stop asking questions because they - the stage between pigtails and cocktails.
- the time when you are always starting things you can’t finish - children old enough to dress by themselves if they could just remember where they last saw their clothes.
- the application of democracy to love.
- doing the right thing with the wrong person.
- what takes so little time and causes so much trouble.
- one in which the hero still oves his horse, only now he’s - the vitamnizing element in histories both individual and social.
- the cave art of the twentieth century.
- the overrewarded court jester and court pander at the  - the science of arresting the human intelligence for long - a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, especially if they are worthless.
- the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
- what you do when you can’t go to see somebody.
- the art of making whole lies out of half truths.
- the greatest art form of the twentieth century.
- the place where the selfish interest of the manufacturer coincide with the interests of society.
- the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
- the whip which hustles humanity up the road to the Better - the vision which reproaches man for the paucity of his desires.
- eighty-five per cent confusion and fifteen per cent commission.
- what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish - exercise to the brink of cardiac arrest.
- comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.” - a forlorn, arty person who professes to sorship beauty, but never seems to find the right church.
- often the by-product of the artist striving - an occupation monopolised by men - women - most men think it means Before-Bed.
 - the elasticity of a person’s intelligence and the longevity of If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- a slowing down of everything except fear.
 - something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.
, - hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.
- flying ship considered by most studies to be the safest mode of transportation, at least when it remains aloft.
- an object used to wake up people who don’t have children.
- early victorian for oh, hell.
- an extremely stable chemical - until you drink it.
- the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
- someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.
- a man who drinks more than his own doctor.
- the intermediate stage between socialism and capitalism.
- a great spinach omelette off the coast of France.
- the Jackie Onassis of the sweat set.
- something like buying oats for a dead horse.
- a system whereby, if two people make a mistake, one of them - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil.
- always having to say you’re sorry.
- a life sentence for not committing a murder.
- the royalties that go with a divorce.
- the screwing you get for the screwing you got.
- alimony giving comfort to the enemy.
- a word that sticks in the troat like failure.
- precious metal to men who drink beer by the six pack.
- a group of college graduates who attend football games on Saturday to find reasons to fire the coach on Monday.
- a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. Charlie - the immemorial weakness of the strong.
- the noble name one gives to his money problems.
- to rewrite a law in such a way as to further obscure its already confused meaning.
Edmund H. Volkart - the country where you buy a liftetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up within two weeks.
- a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.
- the greatest of opportunities and the worst of influences.
- a place where Jewish merchants sell Zen love beads to - one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
- a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
, - a country that doesn’t know where it is going, but is determined to set a speed record getting there.
 - the land of opportunity if you’re a businessman in Japan.
- somewhat like Palestine before Christ appeared - a country full  - a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail - a vast conspiracy to make you happy.
- the country with the highest number of psychiatrists.
 - the only country where a housewife hires a woman to do her cleaning so she can do volunteer work at the day nursery where the cleaning woman leaves her child.
- a country that has leapt from barbarism to decadence without - an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of - the only country in the world where beauty is more celebrated - the only country in the world where people jog ten miles a day  for exercise, then take elevators up to the mezzanine.
- a country where law and customs alike are based on the  - a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy - and won’t cross the street in a national election.
- the only country deliberately founded on a good idea.
- the only country left where we teach languages so that no - the best half-educated country in the world.
- just a nation of two hundred million used-car salesmen with all  the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.
- the only country in the world where failing to promote yourself is regarded as being arrogant.
- the land of permanent waves and impermanent wives.
- a society which believes that God is dead but Elvis is alive.
- the greatest law factory the world has ever known.
- the glory, jest, and terror of mankind.
- God’s Crucible, the great Melting-Pot where all te races of - the unwanted cockroach in the kitchen of a frontier society.
- the inalienable right to sit on your own front porch, in your pyjamas, drinking a can of beer and shouting out ‘Where else is - a plenitude of peanut butter and a dearth of hot mustard.
- committee meetings separated by outbreaks of violence.
- a rule of the people, by the people, for the boss.
@ - the world’s fattest and softest; this might explain why he also loves guns - you can always get your revolver up.
- they are and they have, but they don’t behave.
- people who laugh at African witch doctors and spend 100 million dollars on fake reducing systems.
- the only people in the world whose status anxiety prompts  them to advertise their college and university affiliations in the - a game at which the police can beat you.
- the purpose of those who have nothing to lose.
 - something everyone has, but which looks better on a girl.
- (person) a bland, well-coiffed TV entertainer who is paid more to read the news than ten reporters are paid to report it.
- the most fatal complaint of all in the end.
- the best way of killing a question.
- a lazy man who likes to spend a quiet evening at home - the man who is convinced that his mother was a fool.
- yesterday’s kitsch at today’s prices.
, - something that’s been useless so long it’s still in pretty good - an object that has made a round trip to the attic.
- a noxious weed that should be cut out. It has no place in - that condition in which, waiting for the unspeakable, we face - the glove into which evil slips its hand.
- (pl.) key to experiences and vice versa.

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