Microsoft word - love again report.doc

Breaking up is hard to do…
One is incompatibility, another more common reason is betrayal, and a third is death. The problem in all three of these scenarios is that a person can have difficulty letting go of the emotional bonds which tie the two together. These memories of love and happiness prick the heart because the other is no longer there. All the promises of a beautiful future together are dashed and destroyed. What remains are ashes of what was to be… This report will help you understand heartbreak and grief, so that you may alleviate the pain you experience. How People Deal With Heartbreak
Jeremy goes to the bar and orders forty shots of bourbon whiskey and two pints of beer. He hopes to drink his frustrations away and by the end of the night he’s laughing wildly and performing strange stunts. He throws up everywhere and gets sent home in a taxi by his best friend. The next morning he awakes to find puke all over his bed along with a nauseating headache which won’t go away. Simone stays in the office till way past midnight rummaging through files and writing incessant notes to herself. She’s convinced that if she could just work harder, all the problems in her life would be solved. She gets home at 3AM dog-tired and swallows a cup of instant noodles. The next morning at eight, she gets up and downs two cups of coffee and zips off to work. She doesn’t socialize or 2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.
share her problems with friends. She puts up an iron-clad, can-do image even though she’s blistering on the inside. Mary locks herself at home. In her pyjamas, she puts on thirteen pounds eating potato chips and Haagen-Dazs while spilling tears over Korean love dramas. The movies trigger memories of her ex-boyfriend which further wrenches her heart. She believes she needs to cry until she can cry no more…. Eventually she becomes depressed and contemplates suicide. She feels ashamed of herself because of the weight she’s gained. Her mother brings her to a psychiatrist who prescribes Prozac (the anti-depressant). Causes for Separation
One of the problems often cited by our clients is that their man was unfaithful. A third party came along and snatched their hubby away. This could have been the result of an office affair or a foreign mistress stealing the show. Often an abandoned woman feels cheated of the love and trust she put in her man, plus she feels a strong sense of jealousy because she wonders what makes the other woman so much better than herself that this other woman can draw her lover away like that. Another cause for separation is the incompatibility of the couple.
Sometimes under peer pressure or in a flash of hastiness, individuals
rush to get attached. Not because they have found someone ideal
to love, but because they are infatuated with the idea of being in
Thus they hook up with someone whose basic nature they
have not carefully explored… only to find after marriage or after
pregnancy that their partner was not who they appeared to be.
2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.
Falling in love with someone’s mask (their projected personality) rather than who they are on the inside, is a mistake many people make. The loss of a loved one to the law of nature is painful and often leaves us wondering ‘why us’? The human body is fragile and even if we take perfect care of it, genetic manifestations or even a traffic accident can take life away. We should never take life for granted, and each of those memories and precious moments spent together should be cherished and relived in your heart. Death is different from incompatibility and betrayal because the love that you’ve had does not need to be discounted or written off. It is a shining example of true love which you can be proud of. Emotional Pain is Unnecessary
Looking at what Jeremy, Simone, and Mary go through, one might realize that drowning, repressing, or wallowing in emotional pain is unnecessary and even unhealthy. There is a way to skip all that waste of time and emotional energy. Let’s start by understanding the… Myths about

1. Time heals all wounds
Wounds do close over time, but without proper treatment, they will scar. What this means emotionally is that the negative experience of the past relationship will affect the chances of having a positive relationship in future. This happens because a 2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.
person generalizes certain beliefs about love based on their previous relationship. “I’m doomed to a life of singlehood… if I can lose out to this woman, no man will ever desire me.” “I am a failure at love… no matter what I do, I wil never end up with the right man. “All men are lustful pigs; filthy, unreliable animals.” These beliefs are the unhealed scars of the failed relationship. These scarred beliefs prevent us from acting and reacting in the ways which would bring about a fruitful, loving relationship. A woman holding these beliefs would subconsciously repel the opposite sex through her non-verbal behaviour and offbeat reactions to the presence of eligible men. 2. I will never find another like him or her
There is much talk about whether we will ever meet our soul mate or THE ONE. At Love Again, we support the belief that a person has soul mates with whom they are fated to meet in this lifetime. We also support the belief that a person might have two or three soul mates in their lifetime. So if you miss one or two chances, hopefully your third will seal the deal. If you miss out on all your potential partners, then there is a lesson about love which you have yet to master. There are many facets to this: qualities like trust, giving, openness, forgiveness, tolerance and more…. A block in any one of these could destroy the bond of blossoming romance. 3. I just have to hate him enough
Sometimes a woman tries to forget her ex by finding enough reasons to hate him. This serves to create revulsion towards the man, but it does not help in forgetting him. 2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.
Anger like Love, is a charged emotion. The more you hate a person, the more you think about them; same as when you are in love. The true opposite of love is apathy – when you feel nothing at all; forgiveness is given and the person is out of your mind. If your goal is to forget and let go of an ex-partner, you have to become emotionally neutral towards the person. That means you have to release any grudges and grievances, and even the loving emotions which bond you together. Why We Have Heartbreak
If you have been dating someone for a few years, it is likely that the two of you have constructed a shared vision of a future together. When the relationship breaks down, all these future dreams are dashed. You feel the pain of what is lost from both your past and future. Then we also have the problem of associations… Everything in your home which your ex has ever given you, serves as a reminder the happy times and the commitment you had together. Just looking at one of these could trigger a whole chain of memories associated with your ex. These flashbacks bring back strong emotions and are a signal from the unconscious that the feelings need to be resolved. Each time you engage these flashback memories without proper resolution, you are reinforcing the neural pathway which makes it easier for these memories to trigger the next time. Now the problem is not with the triggering of the memory… if you are able to view it from an objective and emotionally neutral way, then it’s all right to recall events from your past. 2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.
What Can We Do About Heartbreak?
The healing of heartbreak occurs on several levels. Let’s start by
learning how to neutralize painful memories.
Each memory we have in our mind has a unique mental coding. This coding is what makes some memories more important to us than others. The coding also helps us sort and keep track of people, places, time and much more. For example, think of your mind as if it were a movie screen. We store images of the people we like in one area of this screen and the people we dislike in another area. Similarly, the feeling of love arises from one area of the body and the feeling of anger arises from another point. We all do this mental coding, but not many of us are aware of how our brains are coding our experiences exactly. If you understand the code, you can literally RE-CODE your experience to remember it as you desire. We’ll learn to use a simple version of this now. The first code you’ll learn is association and disassociation.
Association is what we do when we recall or imagine a situation from the first-person perspective. Meaning that you imagine that you are in your body, in the situation, looking out through your own eyes and ears, as if you are really there living it right now. Everyday living is a first-person experience. Disassociation on the other hand is about stepping out of your body and observing yourself in that situation. It’s what you would do if you were having an out-of-body experience. You could look at yourself, the clothes you’re wearing; observe the communication between yourself and who you’re talking to. 2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.
We naturally do this when we are trying to evaluate a situation more objectively. Practise this by recalling something you did today, and imagine you’re a fly on the wall as you watch yourself go through the motions. Good. Now you know this code… now how to use it: A happy memory usually triggers in an associated mode. The mind wants to relive the joy of the moment. Thus the experience is replayed from the first-person perspective. The problem is that these memories no longer bring you joy and only remind you of what you have lost. Thus they no longer support your well-being. We can change this by re-coding the memory. Recode the Memory with Disassociation
2. Freeze the whole experience and everything as if pressing 3. Float out of your body and imagine you’re a fly on the wall watching the situation unfold. You might gain some new insights from this more objective point of view. 4. Step out of the whole memory and observe it as a little movie 5. Drain the colour out of this little movie and toss the picture 6. Repeat for each heart-wrenching memory. Controlling the triggered memories is just a start. The damage from a failed relationship can fracture your beliefs about the opposite 2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.
sex and your faith in finding true love. Even your identity – the sense of who you are – can be shattered by a cruel romance. For these deeper levels of healing, it is necessary to work with
someone who can act as your mirror, to show you where you have
been fractured and who can apply the correct intervention to
help you heal in hours what would normally take years to recover.
What Now?
Find out about ere we have our seven-stage healing process to guide you to move beyond past hurt and grow to become whole again. 2008, Love Again LLP, Singapore. No parts of this document is to be reproduced. All Rights Reserved.


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